Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
