girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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