Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
