Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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