I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
