Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
ttyl tear gas
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
