then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
