a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
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the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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