I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
In America we eat man semen.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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