There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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