If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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