what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
