I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
