I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
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Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
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He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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