i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
