Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
