Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
