These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
