By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
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