I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
