I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
