He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
