WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I want her autograph on my taint
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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