Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
