today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
