I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There's always time for handjobs
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize