dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
