that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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