Porn is love you can see.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
