u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
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I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I could fuck to npr.
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but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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