Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We left the knife in your bed.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
