so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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