she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
