I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
