I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
