Welp...herpes.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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