plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
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I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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