Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
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he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
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ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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