Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
