oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
