she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
3pm strippers are depressing
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
