i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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