Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
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I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
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I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize