How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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