So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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