So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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