Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
