Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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