i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
