Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
