nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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