pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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