So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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