She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
