Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
