I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
