Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
