they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
