i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
