thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
