those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....