to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
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I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
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When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you