I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
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Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
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It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.