Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
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I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.
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Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?