Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.