how can u be prego again
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".