my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
