im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
