I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
