one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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