There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
