he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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