i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I am one with the molecules
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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