I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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