i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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