apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
