I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
