My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
