I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
