At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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