How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
