just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
